February 6, 2009
The Second Half
Words in the wind
BY DEACON JIM AND ANN CAVERA
This morning MSNBC posted a story involving Pastor W. C. Martin of Possum Trot, Texas. Ten years ago Pastor Martin encouraged his congregation of 200 people to adopt neglected foster children. Though they were people with limited resources, families in this small congregation responded by adopting 72 severely abused children. The project received national acclaim from Oprah, Reader’s Digest and People magazine.
Bringing up children with so much emotional baggage has been a difficult process, but 10 years later people admit they are turning out better than expected. However, one major source of frustration for the congregation has been a lack of empathy from people and churches in and around Possum Trot. Some have questioned the motives of the adoptive parents. Pleas for understanding from area people and churches have fallen on deaf ears. The result has been the peculiar kind of loneliness and isolation for the adoptive families that comes when there are plenty of people around, but no one willing to give a thought to your personal struggles.
A lot of that kind of thing happens everywhere, and it’s particularly prevalent in February. The weather turns from bad to awful. Even if we can get out, nothing much of interest is going on anywhere else. Spring is still so far away we know we’ve got several weeks of more of the same. That’s why this Sunday’s Old Testament reading from the book of Job is so uplifting. Job was thoroughly depressed and we know just how he felt. Not only had he hit bottom, he was surrounded by three friends who were full of advice but clueless about how he felt.
Some years ago a friend suggested using the following question as part of a marriage preparation program for engaged couples: “What are you always saying that he/she never hears?” That question never failed to produce answers and often those answers were unpredictable. Even though the answers might differ, every married couple knows how this works. After years of sharing ideas, wishes, hopes and dreams it is easy to tune out while we overlook the needs behind our spouse’s thoughts. The result is a loneliness that takes hold in the unheard partner. Isolation develops and down the road they find themselves asking what went wrong?
Job’s own peculiar solution to his loneliness can be found in verse 10 of the Epilogue of the Book of Job. While this verse has been rendered several ways, our favorite translation is from the New Jerusalem Bible. It reads: “(God) restored Job’s fortunes, because he had prayed for his friends.” Even though poor Job lost everything he owned and suffered greatly, he knew he had done nothing wrong. In the face of the overwhelming injustice of life, he kept his relationship with God intact and found the grace to focus on the needs of others. In his column last week, Paul Leingang wrote of how neighbors responding to each other after an ice storm helped get everyone through a difficult time. February is a good time to pay attention to people around us. Asking somehow how they are doing and taking the time to listen might even thaw the ice in a friend’s heart.
Deacon Jim and Ann Cavera are former residents of Evansville; their award-winning column is a regular feature of the Message. Contact them at www.catholicseniorspirit.com.