February 6, 2009
Taking the Time to Make a Difference
Standard lines, human responses
BY PAUL R. LEINGANG
“Hello. Good Morning! How are you?”
“I am fine, thank you. How are you?”
How do we greet each other? Usually with phrases from our culture. I did not know how our words of greeting had descended from reality to formality, until I experienced the standard greetings a few years ago in China, where people had lived so many years in hunger and hardship.
We say, “How are you?” but in most cases, we really do not want to know. It’s just what you say when you meet someone.
In China, on a vacation a few years ago, the standard greeting we heard was, “Hello. Have you eaten yet?” And the answer always was — whether we had eaten or not — “Yes, we have.”
* * *
Within the past several days, I have heard standard phrases repeated in response to some angry people. (I was one of them.)
For just a few hours short of a week, my wife and I lived in a house without electricity. When I would make telephone contact with someone at the utility company, almost everyone I spoke with was extremely courteous. “I understand your frustration,” one phone person said. Actually, that is what every one of them said.
I have come to understand that, at times, people really do want to know, “How are you?” Or, “Have you eaten yet?” Perhaps, the people on the phone really did hear what I as saying. Maybe they really did understand my frustration. I complimented several of them for their kindness and understanding.
What was not comforting was the lack of real information available from these telephone calls. Although it was comforting to hear a real person, no one could tell me when electric power would be restored, or why other neighborhoods had power and mine did not. No one could tell me who made the decision to repair some areas and not others. No one would tell me if the utility company had neglected to maintain a power line or an easement or a right-of-way.
“I understand your frustration,” was what I would hear, and I would be tempted to say, “Thank you. Yes, we have.”
* * *
As I write these words, the temperature outside is 10 degrees Fahrenheit, but our house is warm, and we have light. Our telephones work, too, thanks to the technician who was willing to help locate the problem and get it taken care of. He never once said he understood my frustration, but he did walk me through a series of trouble-shooting steps to get my phones back in working order.
* * *
I confess that in my frustration, I have neglected to be grateful for the good things that have happened in this ice-storm and power outage:
- A friend let us use an electric generator he no longer needed.
- A dinner at the home of friends was warm and invigorating.
- The generous offer of a place to stay gave us the opportunity to choose. (We chose the familiarity of our own home over other possibilities, but such a generous offer by itself helps to warm the human heart.)
- The morning sun was always beautiful.
- Our focus on our own survival gave us a new understanding of the stresses others face. Catholic missionaries have always emphasized that you can’t preach the good news of salvation to people who are starving.
Now that we have heat and light, the temptation is to return to normal, and that is perhaps the worst possible outcome of an ice storm or other significant interruption in ordinary life. A good outcome will be demonstrated when I see the neighbor from down the street, and we say to each other, “How are you?” And the words will mean what they say.
* * *
Take the time to reflect on your relationship with those around you — in the home, in the neighborhood, in the city or community, in the world. When you ask, “How are you?” take the time to listen.
Comments are welcome at office@cfm.org or the Christian Family Movement, P.O. Box 925, Evansvsille, IN 47706-0925