May 8, 2009
Mother's Day: Erin Gries sees her daughters as ‘gifts’
Erin Gries embraces her daughters, Cecelia Rose and Mary Ellen. (Message photo by Mary Ann Hughes) Click for a larger version.
By MARY ANN HUGHES (Message staff writer)
There’s a small metal sign in the side yard of Erin Gries’ home on Evansville’s Westside with the words “We are pro-life.”
It’s true. The family that Erin and her husband Jason have created truly honors the concept of respecting all life.
She’s the daughter of Dan and Mary Ann Zenthoefer; Mary Ann’s the DRE at Sts. Peter and Paul Church, Haubstadt, and Holy Cross Church, Fort Branch. She’s also the sister of Philip Zenthoefer and Father Alex Zenthoefer, associate pastor at Holy Rosary Church, Evansville, and chaplain at Mater Dei and Memorial high schools, both in Evansville.
She graduated from Mater Dei in 1996, and worked at St. Mary’s Rehab before marrying Jason in 2004.
When the young couple was dating, they talked about adoption, she remembers. “Even if we had our own kids, there are so many kids out there. Two years into our marriage we found out we couldn’t have kids.”
In January of 2007 they made plans to drive to Indianapolis to attend a daylong seminar about adoption, “to learn where we start.”
That’s when Jason’s uncle, a board member at Life Choice in Evansville, called — out of the blue — and told them “we have a nineteen-year-old who is pregnant.” Then he asked, “Are you interested?
“He randomly called us,” Erin said. That week, they met with the director at Life Choice, and then with the birth mother.
They were quickly given the good news that “we could adopt her baby.” The waiting process was difficult, Erin said. Until the birth mother signed the adoption papers, she had the option of changing her mind. “She was 19-years-old, and she wanted to go back to school, to get a job. The dad was out of the picture.”
Five months after the phone call, Cecilia Rose arrived. They met their new daughter when she was a day old, and took her home from the hospital when she was three-days-old.
Because they brought the baby home at such a young age “it was almost like we had her ourselves,” Erin said. It was scary and also very exciting. “The family was so excited about welcoming her.”
Today, her mother says of her, “She’s very laid back, very social. She loves people. She has a fun personality. She’s very outgoing and silly.”
In May of last year, the couple decided to add a second child to their family. They submitted their names to an agency, presuming the process would take a year.
A month later, they received a call that there was a newborn who needed a home.
The baby had Down syndrome and she had a hole in her heart. The couple that had planned to adopt her decided against it. The woman was pregnant and “it was too much.”
Erin and Jason met with the birth parents. The mother was 39-years-old and had two older children. “She didn’t want to start over,” Erin said.
The woman was heart-broken that the other couple had backed out, and insistent that the baby not go to foster care.
After meeting with her, the young couple returned home and talked. It was a tough decision, Erin remembers. “We thought, ‘this is a baby that needs a home. She’s been given to us as a gift. She’s a gift, and we need to accept it.’”
When they told the birth mother that they would adopt her child “she was so thankful to us. Our families came to the hospital that night to meet her [the baby], and she came home the next day.” They named her Mary Ellen, Mary after her maternal grandmother, and Ellen after her paternal grandmother Sue Ellen. Erin said both birth mothers were named Bridget, and they both named their babies Grace.
Cecilia is biracial, and Erin says they’ve been given a lot of support for their decision to adopt her. “Everything is positive, and if people give us funny looks, we ignore them.”
People are also supportive of their decision to bring Mary Ellen into their family. “I haven’t had any negative,” Erin said. It is estimated that 90 percent of Down syndrome fetuses are now aborted, a statistic that saddens Erin. “What a gift they are,” she said. “She is such a happy kid. Down syndrome kids have loving and caring hearts. What we are missing out by these kids not being born.”
At 10-months her daughter is “playful, independent and happy.”
Being a mom is the “hardest job I ever had in my life,” she admits, adding, “It’s the most rewarding and fulfilling thing — to see how they grow and change everyday. To be home with them and raise them, it’s such a blessing. I wouldn’t change it.”
Erin was raised Catholic and attended Catholic schools. “I was taught about being pro-life.” Because of her own life experience, she now sees the need to “look at the people involved, to see these mothers and their struggles and see how we can help them. The focus needs to be more on the mothers and how we can help them.”
She and her husband are members of Communion and Liberation, a lay ecclesial movement within the Catholic Church. That involvement changed her outlook on everything, she said. Before, she embraced the teachings she learned in Catholic schools, but through CL she began to live them out in her daily life.
“I wasn’t seeing Christ in everyday life. I didn’t see him in everyone I encountered.
“Before CL, I wouldn’t have been open to adopt Mary because of her special needs. Now I see her as a gift. Why would I reject a gift? She’s perfect.”
“CL changed me. Now I recognize him [Christ] in everyone I encounter throughout my day.”
Erin said the news “of not being able to be pregnant and give birth to our own biological children” was difficult to hear. “It was very hard when we found out that we couldn’t have children biologically.
“It took a while to process that and to accept it. But once I accepted it and realized there was a reason for this I was able to move on and be open to what God had planned for us. We would definitely like to adopt more children. We are open and hoping that more children are presented to us in the future.”