May 15, 2009
The Second Half
Finding answers
BY DEACON JIM AND ANN CAVERA
Most of us are familiar with the story of Paul getting knocked off his horse in the Acts of the Apostles. An unexpected encounter with the risen Lord changed the course of Paul’s life. I believe this kind of thing continues to happen today. Our encounter may not be as dramatic as St. Paul’s but it can often stop us in our tracks.
Last week I went to see Molly for what I thought would be a quick visit at a local nursing facility. It had been several months since she had lost her husband. Recently she had moved from the home they had shared for some 50 years. I had been wondering how she would handle this transition. In fact I had expected to find her deeply depressed, but that was not the case. Molly had been sick for a number of years with a progressive illness that she knew would eventually take her life. This past week her doctor informed her she was losing ground and he held out little hope for improvement. She left his office feeling as though he had just said good-bye to her.
Molly shared with me her decision to remain in the nursing facility where she could receive the help she needed with her daily care. She felt staying in her home was no longer an issue because it was just “stuff” that she was leaving behind. She said the important thing is that she feels the love of her husband and long lost parents surrounding her in her new home. Molly left behind more than the stuff in her house. She also left bitterness, anger, regrets and any other emotional baggage she no longer wants to burden her life. Molly says we can’t see what’s right in front of our eyes. It all comes down to love and so she has decided that it is important to tell the people in her life that she loves them.
In our final days we grieve our losses, sift through our memories, keeping the ones that mean the most. In many ways we get back to where we started. We take joy in the moments we once hurried through: holding babies in our hands, focusing on closeness with others, savoring simple one-on-one exchanges. We take inventory of where we’ve been and who we’ve become, and we ask ourselves, does it all fit? What does it all mean? Molly talked about some of her family stopping for a visit and how they played dominoes for an hour. It was a truly wonderful shared moment. As I listened to Molly talk, I realized she has come to value what has always been right in front of her.
Eventually all of us enter the land in between where we have been and where we are going. Everything fades away while we rediscover simplicity and beauty. Ann and I remember how often her mom took great joy in “having a good visit, a good letter” or a “wonderful phone call.” In the bare bones of life when we see clearly, it all comes down to the time we take with other people and the love we share. As I listened to Molly talk, time wasn’t about everything else I had to do the rest of the day. She reminded me of where I am and of where I’m headed, and that all of us can provide company for the journey.
Deacon Jim and Ann Cavera are former residents of Evansville; their award-winning column is a regular feature of the Message. Contact them at www.catholicseniorspirit.com.