June 19, 2009
The Second Half
A father’s legacy
BY DEACON JIM AND ANN CAVERA
Years ago, the father of our friend Pete decided to build a garage for his family. At that time, three of his children were eight, nine and 10 years of age and they wanted to help finish the roof. Of course, he could have said they weren’t old enough to help, or that it would be too dangerous for them to be on the roof. Instead, our friend’s father put his children on the roof with him. He set up the shingles and tapped nails halfway in to anchor each one. Then, he gave each of the kids a turn with the hammer and let them pound the nails in, even though he could have finished the job in much less time.
Pete happened to be one of those children. Now, he has three almost-grown children of his own. Pete’s wife Jean told us how her husband and Joe, their youngest son, spent a great deal of time one day last week working together in their back yard on a small engine. When the job was finished Joe came in and announced, “Well, we finally did it.” Jean said the best thing was the companionship and sense of achievement between father and son. Both Pete and his son are easy-going people who usually accomplish what they set out to do.
Pete and his children are also the first ones to show up to help a neighbor in need. More than once Pete and Joe have turned up unannounced to dig us out after a winter storm. Last week Joe volunteered to come over this afternoon with a power washer to clean the siding on our house. When we tried to set a fee for his labor Joe said he thought a pan of homemade lasagna would just about cover it.
A grandfather or father’s legacy is less about the amount of material possessions left behind and more about how a father teaches his children to treat other people. Jim remembers the gift of presence Grandpa Cavera gave his family. Grandpa always managed to show up in some form for important events in the lives of his children and grandchildren. He traveled some distance to attend weddings and a card and gift never failed to arrive in time for a birthday.
Grandpa Smith had an insatiable curiosity about life. Everything was interesting; anything new offered opportunity for exploration. Growing up during the Depression, he left home at an early age and became an avid student in the school of life. He deferred formal graduation from high school and college until his retirement years. His legacy to his children was an ageless desire to learn more.
Few fathers are perfect. Sometimes, without even being aware of what they are doing, fathers pass on some unwanted gifts they received from their own fathers: anger, lack of patience, a closed mind or a lack of faith. Through the abundant gifts of the Holy Spirit, new beginnings are always possible. The fruits of a Spirit-filled father, love, joy, peace, patience and kindness, among others, not only heal the past, they can change the present as well as the future. A father’s peace, patience, kindness and faith can seep quietly through children and grandchildren, sending forward a true legacy for generations to come.
Deacon Jim and Ann Cavera are former residents of Evansville; their award-winning column is a regular feature of the Message. Contact them at www.catholicseniorspirit.com.