June 26, 2009
Catholic Charities: Ask the Counselor
Overcoming pornography addiction
BY LORIE INGRAM
Editor’s note: The Health Page is a regular feature of the Message, with articles and columns on physical, mental, psychological and spiritual health from a variety of contributing writers.
This is a follow-up article to an article on how pornography affects marriage. In that article the focus was on the understanding of human dignity and God’s gift of sexuality. In this article the focus will be on pornography addiction and how to break free from that bond.
We live in a world in which we have been taught to look for the easy way out. Guess what, there isn’t one, especially when it comes to pornography addiction. Kicking the addiction is a process. Making a change is difficult. Begin taking one step at a time and don’t give up. You will keep moving forward and overcome this addiction. Focus on the step you are taking and what this step says about you and your resolve to break this destructive habit. Each step is a time of learning to recover self-control. A step in the right direction moves you towards self-dignity and spiritual integrity — which will enrich your marriage, family life and all of your relationships.
When you commit to breaking your porn addiction the right people are put on your path to help you. Don’t walk around them, engage in conversation with them. Many resources are available at your church and here at Catholic Charities. When you let go of the old you make room for the new, and new people and new experiences will help lessen the grip that your addiction has on you.
You have in God a loving Father who will guide and protect you. You’ll never experience the best in life without taking the steps to break this destructive habit. God will get you through anything, but out of nothing. Ask God for the help in overcoming this addiction by praying daily to Him. When you feel the temptation, pray that God sends the Holy Spirit to strengthen your resolve and take away the need to feed your addiction.
Creating an action plan is essential to overcoming a pornography addiction. The following are a few suggestions to help create your plan.
- Destroy the cache of your computer. An addict who hopes to be successful must eliminate porn and sex addiction and their results from their lives. That means deleting and destroying computer files, games, pictures, videos and stories. It means throwing out magazines, videos, DVD’s and books. It means getting rid of old emails, chat transcripts, letters and other communications. It probably means getting rid of Instant Messenger, changing your email address and maybe your phone number. Destroying the cache of pornography is an important early step in the process. And you must be ruthless and diligent in your efforts to rid yourself of all these temptations.
- Get it in the open. Like many addictions, the addiction to lust, sex and porn thrives in the dark. Turn the spotlight on yourself and the addiction. This means confessing to your spouse, your parents or a significant person in your life, and your priest. Move your computer into a room where anyone walking by can see what you’re doing and what is on the screen.
- Set your own roadblocks. If Internet porn or cybersex is your challenge, get a good filter or an ISP that filters from the server side, and let your spouse or parents set the password. If you are tempted by the neighborhood strip club or adult bookstore, change your routes to work or wherever you need to go in order to not pass these places.
- Find your triggers. Every addict has some feelings, thoughts or experiences that preceded the addiction. Identify yours and find ways to minimize them or to react differently to them. For example, if one of your triggers is boredom, resolve to do something constructive when you are feeling bored; for example get up and walk for 10 minutes around the office or the block. If a trigger is rejection, then turn to an affirmation like “I am a person of infinite worth” and repeat it several times out loud.
- Be accountable. Perhaps the most important step you take is to have an accountability partner. This is someone to whom you report daily about your successes and your failures. A 12-step Sexaholics or Pornography Anonymous Group or a similar support group may be of help, or ask a close and trusted friend or spiritual advisor to assist. Whatever you decide, have someone to whom you will be accountable and who will check up on you if you don’t check in.
- Become knowledgeable. Learn as much as you can about what the Lord has given you in the gift of sexuality. Study the Church’s teaching on human sexuality. Understand and honor the dignity of humanity. Information on John Paul II’s Theology of the Body is a good place to learn these things and become more aware of your body’s purpose.
Most importantly have an action plan as something to go to when temptation occurs. Using some of the previous suggestions can help you make a plan. Do it today! Overcome your pornography addiction.
Lorie Ingram is a counselor at Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Evansville.