July 17, 2009
OYAYA
Your word is all you have
BY STEVE DABROWSKI (Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry)
“Steve will neither become a priest nor get married. He’s afraid of the c-word: commitment.” These words followed me as I stepped into the food line at the recent Picnic with the Bishop sponsored by the Office for Vocations. Father Bernie Etienne was offering a bit of good-natured teasing, and I responded, “You have no idea how true that may be!”
As I recounted the story to friends, one of them replied, “Steve is afraid of the c-word: celibacy!” Yeah, I laughed so hard that I snorted. [Take that, Father Bernie!] This, of course, started a discussion on celibacy, and someone brought up the self-disgraced Father Alberto Cutie from Miami (whose name also happens to start with “c”). You know, there are a lot of c-words that cause contemporary confusion, and contrary to cultural conviction, I am certain that Father Bernie cornered the concise culprit: commitment.
I wonder if Father Cutie’s companion has considered commitment? After all, he made a vow to God, witnessed by his bishop, that he would live out his life in service to the People of God as a priest. He gave his word. My Uncle Stas used to say, “Remember, Stefan, your word is all you have. Protect it. If your word is worthless, you are worthless.” I’ve taken that advice seriously. Father Cutie, it appears, gave his word on a temporary basis, and now that his commitment has become uncomfortable, he has chosen to rescind it. So on what basis can such a person be trusted? What if they marry? Can she trust this vow to have any more staying power than the one he broke to be with her? I wonder if she has spent much time pondering this?
I remember that one of the toughest questions I was ever asked as a young youth minister was about chastity.
“Steve, you’ve told us we should wait for marriage to have sex, right?”
“Yes.”
“My parents waited . . . “
“Good.”
“ . . . and they’re divorced, and both are remarried: What was the point in waiting?”
Kids are smart; they see right through bad arguments. I had an honest, heartfelt discussion with this young girl. We actually didn’t talk about chastity, we talked about commitment. Her parents didn’t divorce because of abuse or infidelity, but simply, “they weren’t happy together any longer.” What a shame.
Our youth are growing up in a world where commitment has collapsed. We marry or are ordained until something better comes along, and we defend ourselves by saying it is what is best for us. The result of this is that the shrapnel from this collapse showers across our culture in a dark cloud of confusion. If the most sacred of commitments are revocable, then of what value is any vow, promise or covenant?
So, yeah, I am afraid of commitment, but I am confident in my word. That’s why I’ve yet to give it. That is also why I applaud all priests and parents who provide a powerful witness to youth by keeping their commitments.