September 25, 2009
Couples hear how ‘to be married and stay engaged’
About 100 people attended the Sept.12 presentation by Jim Healy, “How to Be Married and Stay Engaged,” in the Woodward Room at St. Benedict Cathedral in Evansville.
Healy is a professional family life minister from Joliet, a prominent author and nationally recognized speaker. His audience included one unmarried person and couples married from five to 54 years.
Healy told the group that “It’s the small things we do often that make the difference.” He urged the couples to pay attention to how they say goodbye in the morning and greet each other at night, suggesting that taking the time for a five-second hug will make a big difference in how they feel about their partner during all the time they are apart and set the tone for the evening ahead.
Healy also urged them to pay attention to how they open a discussion on a difficult topic. Having a “soft opening” will lead to a better discussion, he said. Discussions begun in anger end that way; discussions that begin in charity will end that way too.
Healy presented three topics: back to back, face to face, and shoulder to shoulder intimacy.
Back to back intimacy refers to partners knowing each other’s weaknesses. He said spouses can choose to protect the partner’s back or exploit it. He urged attendees to vow never to ex-ploit their partners weaknesses but to protect each other from harm.
In face-to-face intimacy, Healy talked about the things that come between spouses. He said that sexual unfaithfulness is usually preceeded by a number of decisions that have put barriers between spouses.
In discussing shoulder to shoulder intimacy, he talked about welcoming children into marriage, participating in community life., and the virtue of hospitality. He characterized children as “the guests who stay with us the longest.” He urged parents to find meaningful ways to interact with their children and to recognize their giftednesss.
The presentation concluded with a renewal of marriage vows led by Deacon Joe Stofleth.
Jane Leingang, a member of St. Benedict Cathedral, provided information for this article.