November 6, 2009
The Christian Journey
Reasons or excuses? Why some seldom come to Mass
BY FATHER JIM SAUER
Infant baptisms provide parish leaders an occasion to meet personally with parents. Consider the hours we spend with couples preparing for marriage — the compatibility inventory and follow-up meetings (usually six to seven hours), maybe a group finance workshop, sponsor couples, planning the ceremony and rehearsal. The diocese offers Engaged Encounter Weekends, Natural Family Planning sessions, and pre-marital counseling
Our sacraments present us with “catechetical moments” to rekindle or strengthen our parents’ commitment to Christ and the Church. Might we not re-enliven our parishes by spending some personal time with First Communicant and Confirmation parents, along with group parent meetings? The Catholic Church teaches that every sacramental celebration is not only for the individual receiving the sacrament; it also inspires all participants.
Our lengthier infant baptismal process begins with a personal meeting with each couple. If they are inactive Catholics, we listen to the reasons that led to this. Why have our young people stopped practicing the faith (aware that the minimum is weekend Eucharist and other Church commandments)? We assure our parents that we are not here to judge them; however, we discuss openly the validity of their reason or reasons. Listening to them helps us respond to their needs. We want to encourage them to become more active in parish life as they request baptism for their infants.
Here are some reasons our inactive parents have shared with us in meetings, as well as in faith sharing sessions. Often their work schedules prevent them from taking part in any weekend Mass. This is especially true where there is only one parish with limited Mass times. For some Sunday is the one day they may sleep in after rising early all week for work.
With both parents generally employed, weekends become the time to complete home projects. After working all day and then coming home to family obligations, many parents are too exhausted to do many chores in the evening. Their children are involved in many activities; parish life competes as the center of their lives. When events are held out-of-town, many Catholics take time to find a weekend Mass; others do not.
Others claim their parents “made them attend” as children. Attending parochial school, daily Mass or several times weekly was typical. During college, they simply stopped participating in weekend Mass.
Many new parents don’t know other young families in the parish, especially if they are newcomers or even as life-long members because their peers may not attend Mass. They feel no connection with other parishioners, especially at Mass, the community’s “primary” gathering.
If one parent is not a Catholic or is a “non-practicing” Catholic (or it’s hunting season, which can be a year-round sport), the Catholic spouse eventually tires of coming to church alone. That spouse becomes a “Mass widow/er.” This can be painful as they observe couples or entire families worshipping together. Eventually they may exit Church without returning.
Some parents regret the change of associate pastors too often (more likely a problem here in St. Joseph Parish). They become acquainted with a priest who invites them to come to Mass or get involved in other activities. He may also notice their absence and express how he missed them. Then after two or three years, he is reassigned and they tend to leave the parish too.
Some parents honestly admit that they have become lazy. They have gotten out of the habit of regularly attending Mass. Old habits die hard. They also become embarrassed when their children act up or are fussy in Church.
No doubt, we have only scratched the surface. Next week, we’ll share our dialogue with parents regarding these reasons.