December 18, 2009
The Bishop's Forum
The Sacrament of Reconciliation: A family matter
by Bishop Gerald A. Gettelfinger
Part one of two
It is amazing how we in the United States have institutionalized the need for reconciliation within families.
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
He’s making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who’s naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
Santa Claus is coming to town
Personal and family participation in the Sacrament of Reconciliation has become practically non-existent within the Roman Catholic Church except in parishes where there has always been a strong tradition of regularly “going to confession.”
Regular participation in the Sacrament has waned since Vatican Council II due to many false steps in our religious education programs leaving parents of this generation ambivalent both about its meaning and its need. One of those errors was a simple change of language! Is it the Sacrament of Confession or the Sacrament of Reconciliation?
Children understood the meaning of the personal need to go to Confession. They knew when they had failed their parents, their siblings and their neighbors. They understood the simplicity of the Ten Commandments as presented to them in a language they could comprehend. Children still do!
Santa Claus was their earliest experience of God’s infinite mercy. It was real to them. Unfortunately Santa left out the need to be reconciled with parents and siblings and neighbors.
As a bishop and chief catechist, I find it difficult and embarrassed even to write those lines!
We bishops, priests and catechists understood the new language following the Vatican Council because of our extensive training in theology and catecheses. We erred when we did not meet the faithful where they were. We too, in all candor, wrestled with the release from our own childhood paranoia: “God is watching! He is the God of Justice!” Fear of going to Hell was embedded in our hearts. God’s infinite love and mercy took last place!
How do you Dads and Moms “reconcile” with one another when you know you have failed? How deep is your love? Is it as unconditional as that of Jesus? Is your ability to show mercy as unconditional as that of Jesus?
Reconciliation is a tough concept! It is even harder to exercise!
Parents, how do you teach your children to be “reconciled” with you? With their siblings? Their friends? Their neighbors? Their teachers? Their coaches? The referee of their game?
Do you teach by example as you relate to your wife or husband? The morning goodbye for work? The welcome home in the evening? The thanks for the meal prepared by her or him? Or by the children?
Kids notice! Kids learn! What are the last words you as a parent say aloud to your child or your teenager before they go to bed? Do you give them peace so they know that your love will be there in the morning even though their problems may be unresolved?
The family is where the understanding of God’s infinite love and mercy is first experienced. When the family does not provide it for whatever reason, godparents and sponsors of Confirmation have an obligation to do so!
Our family was faithful to the novena of Nine First Fridays. Going to confession before First Friday Mass at 5 a.m. in our small country parish was a matter of routine — and an expectation. Our parents led the way. It gave me peace! On the other hand, we were not always so successful in saying the necessary words of reconciliation to each other first, but somehow we knew that “Confession” took care of it!
Next in this series: The Sacrament of Reconciliation as a public act of the Church.