February 19, 2010
Deacon Tom Waken
New Director of Pastoral Care at St. Mary’s Medical Center
Deacon Tom Waken talks with chaplain Dorothy Wilderman in his office at St. Mary's Hospital. Deacon Waken is the new Director of Pastoral Care at the Evansville hospital. (Message photo by Mary Ann Hughes) Click for a larger version.
By MARY ANN HUGHES (Message staff writer)
Deacon Tom Waken believes that his greatest strength as the Director of Pastoral Care at St. Mary’s Medical Center will be his ability to really listen to people.
He’s used that skill in parish work in Cleveland, and as a hospital chaplain in Ohio and most recently in Lexington, Ky.
He’s originally from Cleveland, and that’s where he and his wife, Jeannine, raised their five children. He’s trained as an engineer, but he’s spent much of his adult life serving as a deacon in a parish and working as a hospital chaplain.
He recently moved to Evansville, a town — ironically enough — where his parents lived for about eight years - 70 years ago. He smiles as he says, “It’s interesting that things have come full circle.”
He has set two main goals for his new job at the Evansville hospital. One is to create a team atmosphere among the chaplains and the receptionists who work in the surgical and intensive care centers. He also wants to help physicians understand that there is a close tie between a person’s spiritual needs and physical needs. “That is very important to me.”
He explains: Often, when a patient is in “intractable pain they have a lot of difficulty recognizing God’s hand in this. They may ask, ‘Why is God punishing me?’” and sometimes “that becomes hopelessness. I’m trying to get physicians to understand that disconnect. A number of physicians understand pastoral care, and some don’t.
“That’s a major goal, but most importantly is to bring this department together as a team.”
He has discovered that many employees in the hospital already have a clear vision of his department’s role. He mentions an employee who recently saw a visitor and “it was clear that she needed someone to talk to.” The employee understood the “concept of seeing a person in need and asking, ‘What do you do about that?’ They came to the pastoral care department, and requested that someone talk with the woman.
“That’s important,” Deacon Waken said. “St. Mary’s has a fine tradition of that, and I want to nurture that and help grow that.”
His own involvement with helping people goes back to his mid-thirties when he and his wife were involved in marriage preparation programs, working with couples in parishes all around Cleveland. At one of those parishes he met “a gentleman” who was preparing for the permanent diaconate. “I talked with him, and I felt a vocation to it. I felt a calling to it.”
He applied for admission to the diocesan program, but “at the time I had broken both legs and our fourth child had just been born.” When the director arrived at his home to talk with him, he took one look at “my two broken legs and me holding a newborn baby” and he suggested “this is not a good time.”
“I prayed about it. I opened the Scriptures and I said, ‘Lord, I don’t know what it is you want for me. Tell me and I’ll do it.’ I opened the Scriptures to the Acts of the Apostles and the calling of the deacons. I asked, ‘What are you telling me?’
“I called the director, and he said, ‘We are having a retreat for the new class, and if you think you can get to it, you’re in the program.’ I said, ‘Sure, we’ll figure out a way,’ and we went.”
After he was ordained to the diaconate, his wife who had been working as a para-legal for a large law firm in Cleveland, also felt a stirring in her spirit to do something different with her life. He became a deacon in a parish, and she served as the DRE there. “It worked out very well,” he said.
His duties at the parish included working with shut-ins, and in that role he believes he brought a “listening ear. Shut-ins often have a great sense of loss, and I had the ability to come in and sit down and let them talk.”
He also worked with high school students through the parish Confirmation program, again using his listening skills with them. Sometimes they would tell him, “I’m not sure I want to make my Confirmation. I’m doing it for my mom and dad.”
“I would listen to them. One young woman said, ‘I don’t understand the Eucharist.’ We talked about it, and she still wasn’t convinced about making her Confirmation. I told her, ‘I know your father. Let me talk to him, and tell him you need to examine your faith more.’ I talked to her father. He wasn’t happy, but he accepted it.”
Deacon Waken found that his success in parish work “came down to being able to sit and listen to people and understand what they were saying.” And not being “quick on giving an answer.”
The lessons he learned in parish work were helpful as he began working as a hospital chaplain. Today, he says his “passion” is health care. “I love being with patients. If you just listen to a person and let them talk, it’s amazing what that will do for them.”
He remembers being in a critical care unit of a hospital and talking with a patient there. When the patient asked Deacon Waken his denomination, he answered, “Catholic.” The patient responded, “I’m Presbyterian.”
“I said, ‘That’s terrific.’ He told me his entire life history. A few weeks later, he died while I was holding his hand. It all came to my just sitting and being interested in this man’s story.”
Deacon Waken believes he brings that strength to his new position at St. Mary’s hospital, of “being able to listen to people and being interested in the person.”