May 14, 2010
A Doctor's Advice
The pressure is on — Helping your child say “no”
BY DR. WILLIAM WOOTEN
I’ve often written about the importance of talking with your children about alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. I emphasized that the “talk” should start at about age eight and continue through the teen years.
I also stress the importance of learning to communicate, setting clear and consistent rules, providing reasonable consequences for rule violations, “walking the walk” as a positive role model for your child, being involved, praising and rewarding positive behavior and telling your child you love them. If you are persistent and consistent with these efforts, you can reduce the chance that your child will use drugs by as much as 42 percent.
Parents remain the most influential people in a young person’s life. When the opportunity to use drugs or alcohol comes along, your child will be very likely to consider: “What would dad and mom think about this?”
However, as your children get older, peer influences become a more powerful factor in making decisions about many things, including the use of alcohol and drugs. It is not a matter of “IF” your child will be faced with the decision to use addictive substances, but what they will do “WHEN” they are confronted with the chance to use.
At some time your child will be encouraged by peers with bad ideas — ways to test limits, getting into trouble, and doing things they will regret later.
It is easier to say “no” to a stranger than a friend whose approval is important. Some “good friends” may entice your child to get involved in relatively harmless mischief, but if peers invite your child to use tobacco, alcohol or drugs, the consequences can be more serious. It is one of your tasks as a parent to prepare children for these situations. What can you do? “Role playing” is considered the best method to use.
Teach your child about peer pressure. Define it as pressure put on them by people their age. Explain that there are four levels of peer pressure (friendly, teasing, hot and indirect) and help them understand how to recognize each type.
Friendly pressure is a simple offer (“Would you like a beer?”) Teasing pressure occurs when peers make fun of you if you refuse. Hot peer pressure involves the use of physical or psychological threats (“If you don’t try this, I’ll beat you up.”) Lastly, indirect pressure is pressure without a direct offer (“Come to my party, everyone is going to be there and there will be lot’s of beer.”)
Practice various scenarios in advance. When young people are prepared with proper strategies, they can reject the friends’ choices without rejecting the friends themselves. Help them rehearse examples of what to say in various scenarios. Here are some ways for your children to refuse and examples to practice:
- No, thanks — “No, thanks. I don’t want a cigarette.”
- Give a reason — “No, it’s just not right to drink.”
- Repeat yourself — “No, thanks.” “Oh, come on.” “No, thanks.”
- Walk away — Say “No, thanks,” and walk away as you say it.
- Avoid the situation — If you are invited to a party where you know people will be using drugs, don’t go.
- Ignore them — When asked to use, ignore the person.
- Change the subject — When asked to use a drug, change the subject. “Let’s go get a pizza.”
The opinions, advice and information contained herein are not intended to provide professional medical advice or treatment, but are merely responses to questions from unidentified persons without advantage of actual knowledge of specific facts, circumstances and history of such person; and therefore, all responses contained herein should serve only as a suggested guide or possible course of action based on the question. Responses provided herein cannot replace professional assessment a person may receive from a visit with a healthcare professional. Youth First, Inc. hereby disclaims any and all responsibility or liability, which may be asserted or claimed arising from or claim to have arisen from reliance upon opinions, advice or information disclosed herein.