September 23, 2011
Stephen Ministry
Jasper volunteers provide one-on-one Christian care
Deacon David McDaniel blesses Stephen Ministers Joan Schroering, Tom Gehlhausen and Mary Ann Witte during a commissioning ceremony at Holy Family Church in Jasper. Click for a larger version.
By MARY ANN HUGHES (Message staff writer)
When you’re having a tough time, wouldn’t it be comforting to have a companion? Someone who is there faithfully for as long as there is a need?
That’s the idea behind the Stephen Ministry program. Not to usurp the care given by pastors, but to have lay ministers extend that care. (Related: Stephen Ministry core values)
The Stephen Ministry program was started back in 1975 by a Lutheran pastor who called on his lay people to help as Christian caregivers. He named it after one of the first disciples, St. Stephen, and now, over 35 years later, congregations from more than 100 denominations use the program.
The program found a home at Holy Family Church in Jasper back in 1996 when a new member arrived from Texas. She had been an active Stephen Minister there, and she told her new pastor, Father John Boeglin, about the program. (Related: Father John Boeglin comments on Stephen Ministry)
In 1997, the first group of Stephen ministers was commissioned at the parish.
Judy Freyberger was a member of that group. Today, she’s the referrals coordinator for the parish program. She said the motto of the program is “We are the caregivers — God is the curegiver.
“What we have learned is that the Stephen Ministry program is successful in a parish where the pastor is supportive.”
She added, “In a parish this size there is no way a pastor can be there for everyone in need. Father Boeglin calls us his apostles. We are his hands and feet. We are where he can’t be.”
Freyberger and Mary Ann Witte, the training coordinator, emphasize that the pastor is always on the front lines of care, especially during times of crisis.
When someone expresses an interest in becoming a Stephen Minister, they go through an interview process and then extensive training. There are 18 two-and-a-half hour sessions plus a retreat.
The early sessions focus on the art of listening, sensing others’ feelings, compassionate assertiveness, maintaining confidentiality, effective telephone care, praying with people, and finding help in the Bible.
The sessions then look at the kind of concerns care receivers might have, concerns such as the grieving process, divorce, terminal illness, unemployment, loneliness and mild depression.
Since 1996, 70 Holy Family parishioners have become Stephen Ministers, and there are currently 17 active ministers. When they are commissioned they are asked to serve for at least two years.
“Who we are is far more important than anything we say,” Witte said. “Therefore, we put a lot of emphasis on personal growth and spiritual formation.
“We have two retreats a year, plus prayer and continuing education at every meeting. We also have a library that we encourage ministers to use.”
Freyberger says of the program: “It’s one-on-one Christian friendship. We visit with individuals, and we take unconditional love to them. We are asked to connect once a week for a minimum of an hour.
“We are there to listen, to share what their life story is.”
Freyberger and Witte emphasize that Stephen Ministers are not counselors, they are not psychiatrists, and they are not nurses. And they are not Hospice volunteers.
Freyberger said the ministers are trained to “find help” when necessary, for instance when someone has severe depression.
It’s a quiet ministry in the parish, they say, “quiet until a problem presents itself.”
Sometimes a family member will recommend the program for a loved one, and that’s when a Stephen Minister is assigned.
Witte said, “it’s uncanny how so many times we get assigned to someone in the same situation [that we have been in].
Freyberger agrees. “It amazed me how you are matched. The Holy Spirit is guiding.”
Both believe the program has been successful “because we definitely believe in the power of the Holy Spirit guiding us.”
According to the guidelines, a man will work with another man, and women are assigned to work with women. The ministers usually are assigned to work with one person at a time.
They attend two meetings a month. Witte said. “We don’t talk about the care receivers. We do talk about how we are doing.”
Each connection is evaluated on a yearly basis to see how things are going.
Freyberger said that “initial visits are longer until you get into that person’s story.”
“We do not judge. We go to them where they are. That’s what we try to work with.”
They both believe the Stephen Ministry program is important because sometimes people need more attention than their families can give them.
Witte remembers working with someone who was dying. The woman said, “I need to talk about dying, and my family won’t let me.” She asked Witte, “Does it scare you if I talk about dying?”
Freyberger said a woman once told her, “They won’t let me cry. If I cry, they get up and leave the room.” She told the woman, “You can cry, and I will not leave.
“At the first meeting, I let her cry.” She was grieving a lot of losses, and her family “wanted her to be happy in front of them.”
Of the program and of being a Stephen Minister, Freyberger said, “It becomes part of your life.”
For additional information, go to the website www.holyfamilyjasper/stephen ministry.com.