October 14, 2011
OYAYA
About bears and bullies and “no bad boys”
BY STEVE DABROWSKI (Office of Youth and Young Adult Ministry)
I’m sort of phobic about anything big enough to eat me — bears, sharks, etc. So, when I was asked to be a chaperon for a youth trip to Montana, I was both excited and apprehensive. As a former Explorer Scout (a co-educational branch of Boy Scouts), I spent a lot of time hiking, spelunking, rappelling, white-water rafting and camping. But, despite many nights spent in tents, I’ve always been afraid of large animals that are capable of turning me into Polish sausage. Unfortunately, my phobia got the better of me on the trip, and every rustle in the bushes became a potential Kodiak waiting to pounce.
Fear is compelling. In fact, fear often compels us to act in ways contrary to our beliefs. Fear and embarrassment led me to lie about seeing evidence of bears. I still can’t believe I lied, but it serves as a caution for me when I see young people acting in ways that do not align with their faith. I keep the words of Father Edward Flannigan, the founder of Boy’s Town, close to my heart: “There are no bad boys. There is only bad environment, bad training, bad example, bad thinking.” In an uncertain world, good kids are easily led astray by fear. If no adults or peers are around to provide a better example or way of thinking, those who begin bad behavior tend to build upon it. Before long, that “good kid” is breaking rules and laws whenever it best serves them to do so.
We hear a lot today about bullying, and we tend to think that only those being bullied need help. In fact, bullying hurts all involved. As adults, we need to identify those things that lead to bad behavior in young people, and, most often, fear is at the root. If a young person is afraid to be mistreated, they will often bully someone weaker so as to appear less vulnerable. So too, a young person living in an abusive home will often express their frustration and fear through violence. These aren’t “bad” kids, they’re people who have learned unhealthy ways of dealing with environmental factors, and discounting these youth as being damaged or bad will only increase the root causes. We all have a need to belong, and when basic security is absent, unhealthy habits and actions result. There are no bad kids, but fear can certainly make them appear so.
The bad actions of young people should be seen for what they are—indications, symptoms, of a greater issue. If we fail to see each young person, even the bully, as being created in the “image and likeness of God,” then we run the risk of missing an opportunity to help them live a more fulfilled life. What sounds like a bear, what causes the reaction to protect oneself, may only be a phantom, but it may leave behind tracks that could easily have been wiped away had they been recognized for what they truly were.